And another thing... New Year rehearsal blues

Where is my trombone? I’m sure I left it in my car.

‘This should be OK… I’ll be OK - he won’t pick on anyone. Not on the first night back.

‘The thing is, it’s not like I’m out of practice - well, no more than anyone else perhaps and Christmas is a busy time. Those three weeks of band holidays just fly by; couldn’t have picked it up even if I’d wanted to, I’ve not had a spare five minutes anywhere. Nope. It won’t be too bad - Pete’s brought his baritone. There’s no way he’ll have done any practice and he’s pretty rubbish anyway. Everyone knows it.

‘Why do we always start with hymn tunes? I hate hymn tunes. My part has a range of a 5th and, after playing it through a few times, my face looks like a prune and has about as much mobility as my Gran. And why doesn’t the percussion section have to do hymn tunes?....’

Read the full force of wit by John Barber and Nezzy featured in February’s BBW, by subscribing to BBW Digital. Alternatively, subscribe to the printed magazine delivered by post: £40 (UK); £68 (Europe); £81 (Rest of the World)